Watch Me Drown

I wish that we could control the dreams we dream at night.
I wish I could turn away from the nightmares, or choose which story will play inside my head.
I wish there was a way to block out the different realities that seem to build themselves up inside of us, the ones that have a tendency to completely destroy and shatter us.
It's like being thrown into a murky, black lake, with the small waves pulling you in different directions, being without you.
I feel that I must hate you so much, and wish you nothing but misery.
But when I wake up now and again, and realise that in my dreams you got me back, and kissed me ever so gently on the corner of my mouth, then what do I do?
Do I hate you more? For making me compare reality to my dreams? Or do I imagine the you inside my head, as better, the one to make it all alright?
Now I'm left to dwell on these nightmares and realities, all the while comparing between the two.
I think that the worst part about all of this is that you don't see me.
You don't see me now with these still healing cuts and bruises all over my very being.
You don't see my heart, trying to fit the pieces together, the pieces of itself.
You won't ever see it, any of this.
Because you're gone.
You won't come to save me, or pull me out of the darkness.
You'll just stand on the side, watching me drown.