Love Can't Be Kind

It seemed to take over my bones and my heart,
That feeling of passion, that love from the start,
My nerves were on fire, my skin felt skin tight,
My eyelids closed slowly as my soul took flight.

Your fingers traced circles, over my hands,
A screaming I thought, my brain couldn't stand,
As light as a feather but heavier than weights,
I gave you my heart and trusted our fate.

You played me a love song while banging on keys,
A lullaby you whispered, as I fell asleep,
Your lips brushed my hairline and lingered on my neck,
A memory I could never begin to forget.

Chasing the sunset, watching the moon,
Knowing our time would surely end soon,
We wished for forever, for eternity to come,
Forgetting reality would soon end our fun.

Now you're alone, as I am too,
Clinging to memory, nursing our wounds,
Wanting so badly to just turn back time,
But darling, remember, love can't be kind.

Little Room

I'll build a room on the corner of this earth, where I can lose myself in absolutely nothing at all, just the air and the colours of purity that exist inside the feelings of serenity.

I won't have to feel love or hate, as I'll be looking at the world from the outside in.
This room will be my safety blanket, my guarantee to calm.
I will find myself here, and my soul will recreate itself anew.
Scarlet blood will turn cherry red, and these grey eyes of mine will soften, and go back to being a light, baby blue.
Just thinking about it, makes me feel better already. At least now I have enough strength to face another day, of the exact opposite.
Oh society, judgement, lies twisted with fear. All plastered together will a fake smile, and willpower to believe in fairtytales.
In this room, this warm place in my heart, I am living in my very own world, and seeing it with a new set of eyes, believing in non-existant things that shine just below the window pane.
I don't want to leave, as I'll lose my head out there.
That harsh, unforgiving world.
Where we grew up.
Where we live.
Maybe there are more little rooms like mine, in the back of other's heads.
Maybe they're like me, and I just haven't met them yet.
Maybe I never will.
I close my eyes and fall back into my corner of my bliss. Let me be, oh,
Please let me be.

Easier

It's easier to write a love song about a passion that doesn't exist, rather than to have to rely on the real thing.

Twilight Around Our Hearts

We're left not in the dark, not in the light, but more to stumble through life in this dull enclosing twilight around our hearts.
We're meant to live, we're meant to laugh, but so often we can never tell the difference between the two.
People surround us, going on with their lives and dealing with their problems and decisions. They are like us.
Blinded by the shining luminescent lights of reality.
We run in circles, planning our futures, but we seem to crash into brick walls and walk through mine fields along the way.
We wish for crystal clear vision, for knowledge, but in all truth at the end of the day, we don't know how to make decisions. We don't know how to plan our lives the right way.
So we take shortcuts. We make mistakes and get carried away in the wrong direction. We wish we could turn back the time and start over.
And through all this madness of everyday life, we look in between the lines and between the stars, for that natrual high. That great feeling of power, of passion.
Of love.
We trust ourselves that no matter what else goes on, we will find time to find love. We will let our souls free and keep our hearts in eyes, and see everything around us tinted pink.
We will sacrafice all we have, and all it takes, to simply feel.
To let go of routine, of schedules and time, just to lose ourselves in the beating of anothers heart.
Once we find what we are destined to feel, nothing needs to make sense. We can close our eyes and listen.
We can distance ourselves and see. We can be who ever we want to be.
We are all human at the end of the day, searching for the same things.
Aiming at the same targets, running in the same lane.
We are one. We are the world.
Love is what keeps us from destroying it from the inside out.
Love is what keeps us in tact.
Love is what gives us life.
Life, is simply love.

Parents And Previous Generations

They raised us, yet they judge us.
They let us talk, but pass on our secrets.
They want us around, but then want us gone.
They make us stay quiet, then wonder why we're shy.
They indulge us, yet won't let us spend our savings.
They make mistakes, then criticise when we are not perfect.
They assume that behavior is just a phase, then wonder what caused it in the first place.
They think of our moods as typical, when theres so much more behind it.
They look at us as children, when half the time we're more mature than they'd ever be.

Parents and children are good for a while.
Until the other realises where the strength between the two lies.

Song Parts

Parts of songs I'm writing:


Get these images out of my head
I'll close my eyes, do anything
To go stare at a blank wall and feel nothing


Take my hand and walk with me
Don't make me go alone, you'll see
How everything before me is just crashing


You, are awakening
Though your heart is slowly breaking
In to two, and you're stuck with those who love you
Now you're caught up in this mess
This web inside your head
You don't know what to do
You don't know how to choose.


---------------------------------


Second song:


Darkness comes in waves of pain
Heartbreak happens everyday
Close your eyes and look around you
See the stars shining above you
Notice how they haven't faded away.


Summer passes quickly through blue skies
Come here, let me dry your eyes
Who are you to tell me how to live my life
Do you even know how to smile and make things right?

---------------------------------------


Third song:


My feet are cracked
My lips are dry
From walking through the heat
I can't look back
I can't see why
You no longer need me
The rain is falling
My tears of pouring
Down the side of my cheek
You left me alone
All by myself
To rot and grow this weak

Yesterday

Sometimes you suddenly catch yourself wondering about the past. Subcontiously comparing it to your present. Debating weather it's really changed. Sometimes you wish to go back to yesterday, even just for a moment, where things were less complicated and somehow still made sense. From time to time you miss the comfort, the painless journey from one day to the next. Now it's so different, now it's messy and a mission within itself, an impossible task that must silently be completed.

Love, Don't Ever Leave Us

And then when all seemed lost, our bodies morphed together as one, and out hearts composed a symphony between our blazing chests and fast moving lips. Our hands crawled slowly, fingernails raking over our necks as we lay in the wreck and havok. The sunlight peeked through the heavily sewn curtains above our heads, and the room was lit up, slightly pink and buttery. With love intertwined with passion, we held each other still as our lips found their other half, our breathing ragged and uneven with excitement.
For a moment, all was still, and nothing needed to make sense. All the worlds problems and conflicts dissolved around us, as you put your lips to my ear, and whispered "I love you". Like a lullaby, like poetry, like perfection, I lay. Running my fingers through the locks of your hair, and tracing your cheekbones with the back of my thumb, I whispered back "I love you too".
The sun set after hours of warming our backs through the window. We could hear blackbirds singing, and the quiet flap of a hummingbirds wings.
We wished for this always, this feeling of love, and wonder. This feeling thats burning us up from the inside, but making us feel alive. I wish it didn't have to go away, that it didn't have to fade. That it could stay forever, reminding us who we are, and what we're prepared to give.
Love, don't ever leave us.

Gone

I love how I just don't think about you anymore.
You barely even cross my mind.

It's so much easier that way.

Fine Line

It's so strange seeing the fine line that separates what things once were, and what things are now. It's like that past, everything before the line, is in black and white. Those imagines of you catching me as I ran to you after so long, your warm embrace and that smell of your cologne, are suddenly now slightly blurred, in black and white, like an old 1950's movie. The ones we call classic, when at the time simply seemed a part of everyday life. In black and white, I see what we once were. The love that we once shared. And now, in neon blinding lights, my reality is being shown to me. This strange, unfamiliar reality that I must now get used to and somehow understand. The light is so blinding, so bright. It's hurting my eyes and burning up the last slivers of my heart and soul. How do I deal with this? The fine line is like a blade, hurting me, slowly ripping through my skin. Making me cry out in pain and making me feel weak. All I can see is the bloodshed, the emotion spilling out, threatening to destroy me completely.

Perfect Things

The only perfect things in life are classical music, roses and the rain.

I Wonder

I wonder if you've forgotten
I wonder if you think of me
I wonder if it's different
I wonder if you feel hollow like me
I wonder.

I wonder if I can forget too
I wonder if I'll stop thinking about you
I wonder if it'll change
I wonder if the hollow feeling will dissapear
I wonder.

I wonder if you miss love
I wonder if you even recognise it anymore
I wonder if you're hurting
I wonder if you're wounded
I wonder.

I wonder if I'll miss love
I wonder if I'll learn to recognise it
I wonder when I'll stop hurting
I wonder when my wounds will heal
I wonder.

I wonder if thats all we have
I wonder if thats all we'll get
I wonder if love will strike again
I wonder if we'll notice
I wonder,
I wonder.

Love Shall Never Die

Just move on, he's not worth your tears,
Don't cry yourself to sleep, get over your fears,
Sing yourself a lullaby, under the many stars,
Just let it go, forget it all, don't hold it in your heart.

Don't let him win, leaving you to drown,
Perk up a bit, no need to see you frown,
Walk away for now, don't wear your heart on your sleeve,
It'll all work out, just take a moment to breathe.

The clouds means nothing, if you learn to love the rain,
They'll wash away your heartache, your innocence, your pain,
Nothing is real, under the bright burning sun,
Turn yourself towards the place where new love has begun.

Hold yourself together, don't you dare fall apart,
Nothing is forever, to know, you must be smart,
Pain is just a proccess, growing weaker over time,
If it's all too much to handle, then stop, close your eyes.

At the end of it all, you'll find yourself again,
Your heart will be stronger, you'll know what's what and when,
You'll be laughing and smiling, with that spark in your eye,
Not everything lasts forever, but love shall never die.

Tears Of Truth

You lied
About love
You lied
About loving me.
You cried
Tears of truth
I believed them
I believed you.
You wrote once
A love letter
With promises
Mixed with twisted pain.
Slowly your fingers
Moved over black and white keys
A song you sang
That felt real to me.
You then gave up
You then gave in
Leaving me behind alone
With nothing but truth.
Now you are nothing
Someone I can't stand
To never be mentioned
In the back of my head
So run along now
To your other love believer
Break her heart and soul
Then we'll be even.

All We've Got

Sometimes nothing is all we've got. And we're expected to do something with that nothing. We're expected to turn it into something different and somehow valuable, to turn it into a lesson of sorts. We're expected to succeed, and finish the assignment given in these unwritten rules.
But what if you can't? What if that nothing is just darkness? Or a disregarded paper that was thrown our from the day before? What if we can't do anything with that nothing?
What if it breaks us, and slowly turtures us from the inside?
Till not a trace of life is left inside you.
It'll take everything.
Steal your heart, steal your soul.

I hate this.
This feeling, this empty, black, nothingness feeling. It's creeping from every direction, making me clench my fists. Making me shriek in silence, lie in fear. It's so terrible feeling this hollow. Like pieces of me were given away for good. I want those pieces of myself back. Please, just give them back to me. Let me at least, somehow feel less broken. Not whole, but nothing crushed. I just feel crushed.
And I hate it so much.

Parallel Lines

We're parallel lines,
Wanting the same thing,
Yet something different.
Heading in the same direction,
But never closing the gap between.
Never meeting common ground.
Never seeing the same ending, the same conclusion.
Always looking at reality through different eyes.
We're parallel lines,
Trying to find each other through the darkness,
Too bright to see in the light.
We're two trains, with nothing but space between us,
But too much to cross.
The distance too far to close.
I'm shattered, and you are whole.
I am many, and you are one.
You are everything, I am now nothing.
Nothing of my soul is left in tact.
We're falling through a black hole,
But going nowhere.
You're soaring through the dark gravity, enjoying the ride,
And almost make shift fear.
I'm hurtling through at terrifying speeds,
Wishing that I could just wake up.
We're no match for this,
No match at all.
We're parallel lines.
Never closing the gap between.

Love Is Like

When love takes over, it numbs your whole being. You cannot utter a word of common sense, or have an inkling of understanding of reality. When love takes over, it completely sweeps you off your feet, and it turns you into someone almost unrecognisable, someone always high on nothing but feelings of joy alone.
Love can be toxic, blinding, dangeriously beautiful, and sometimes fleetingly quick. It can be the thing that defines who you are, for the good and for the bad. Better or for worse.
Love is like some strange intoxicating drug, that the heart seems to crave alone with passion. Craving words that we think of and dream of, skin that our fingertips so often seek, and lips that our lips are destined to find.
Love creates a hurricane, and throws you around from side to side, like a swing going back and forth in the late Saturday afternoons of summer.
Love makes you see things that aren't there to the naked eye, sometimes something that others can't see.
Love creates excitement, pain and dissapointment, and makes your heart feel like it's practically on fire.
It's like a lazy summer breeze, that rolls around your shoulders and gently touches your eyelids, making you sigh and know, somehow, that everything will be alright.
It makes you feel light and heavy both at once.
It makes you somehow, feel whole.

Watch Me Drown

I wish that we could control the dreams we dream at night.
I wish I could turn away from the nightmares, or choose which story will play inside my head.
I wish there was a way to block out the different realities that seem to build themselves up inside of us, the ones that have a tendency to completely destroy and shatter us.
It's like being thrown into a murky, black lake, with the small waves pulling you in different directions, being without you.
I feel that I must hate you so much, and wish you nothing but misery.
But when I wake up now and again, and realise that in my dreams you got me back, and kissed me ever so gently on the corner of my mouth, then what do I do?
Do I hate you more? For making me compare reality to my dreams? Or do I imagine the you inside my head, as better, the one to make it all alright?
Now I'm left to dwell on these nightmares and realities, all the while comparing between the two.
I think that the worst part about all of this is that you don't see me.
You don't see me now with these still healing cuts and bruises all over my very being.
You don't see my heart, trying to fit the pieces together, the pieces of itself.
You won't ever see it, any of this.
Because you're gone.
You won't come to save me, or pull me out of the darkness.
You'll just stand on the side, watching me drown.

Dreams Or Nightmares?

I just feel so angry and burned up inside. Because I want to talk to you, and hear the reassurance in your voice, telling me that everything will be okay. I want so badly to let you into my mind, and show your all this pain. And I can't understand why, because you're the one creating it.
Because of you, I need reassurance, but because of you, now there is nothing and I am alone.
I'm circling through this darkness, wondering where and when to turn. I'm lying on the ground, feeling naked and cold, and just so confused. I keep telling myself that this is just some sick nightmare, some twisted painful dream. I keep waiting for that moment when I'll wake up. I'll see sunlight streaming in through my window, and there you'll be. My heart still safe with you, beating securely in your chest.
And I'll turn to you, to tell you about these strange dreams, and turn to your warm embrace for warmth and understanding.
It has to be a dream, I'll tell myself. It had to be a dream.
But then, I'll really wake up, to the thunder and cold droplets of rain outisde my window, and I'll be alone.
You won't be there. To hold me. Comfort me. Love me.
I'll be lying there in the dark beneath my sheets, realisation slowly becoming clearer.
And I'll see that you really are gone.
You've left me, this, everything, and you've taken my heart, the heart that you promised to care for, with you.
Forever gone.
Where light just fades to grey.
Gone.

Broken Butterfly Wings

Imagine these are butterfly's wings. Fragile and delicate, soft and oh so gentle.
Imagine that I am your butterfly, and your job for so long has been to hold me, protect me with the palms of your hands, not letting me go.
Just think what would happen if you suddenly slipped.
Either you'd let me go, and I'd fly away.
Or you'd fall on me with all of your weight, crushing me. Destroying my wings and all the patterns in them.
Imagine my poor, minute heart, breaking in half. Then into uneven little pieces, smaller than the smallest grains of sand.
You'd probably walk away, unscathed. Maybe a few cuts and bruises here and there, but otherwise still in one piece.
You would probably take one look at the remains of me, at my crushed wings, and not bother saving me.
You'd give up trying, realising that nothing can be done to put me back together again.
Wouldn't that make you feel like a murderer? A killer?
Wouldn't you double over from guilt and from grief?
Thats all I can think would happen. All I can imagine.
I wish that I didn't have to be this butterfly, with these two now broken wings. I wish you didn't have to be the one to walk away.
I trusted you to protect me, and protect my heart, and just like that, the trust and everything around me is broken.
Now I'm just swimming around in this thick pool of nothing, searching for light, for a way out.
But the walls are closing in, choking whats left of my lungs.
Sucking up all the remains of my soul.
And soon, so soon, I'll be nothing at all.
And you'll still be there in the distance, walking away from the mess you left behind.